Arguh.

Ok. So.

Sorry.

It's been a while. But I'm back and with photos, so let's forget the catching up and get right to it.



What in the world is going on here?

People, look. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are not dating. They aren't a couple. I doubt they're even friends.

That's because -- yoohoo -- Tom Cruise is gay. And this... well, this is a quintessential Hollywood deal. He's gay and hiding it and she's in desperate need of a career spike before she becomes a has been.

Frankly, I commend Katie's PR people. They've done their homework. Tom's quite gifted in rising women to stardom. Think back. What was Nicole Kidman before Days of Thunder, for which Tom picked her? And Penelope Cruz before "Vanilla Sky?" Well, let's say this: They were huge in Australia/Spain.

Tom's folks are no dummies, either. Get a young gal, a really young gal. The youngest legal gal possible. It'll make a better, jucier story.

And so while we're talking about it, let's just be honest.

(1) No, there's nothing wrong with being gay. Gay is great.

(2) No, most certainly no, Tom Cruise will never just come out of the closet because no one's going to believe that a gay guy can save the world and there is absolutely no audience for a gay dude version of "Ellen." Would you cast Jack McFarlin as a fast-livin' hard lovin' race car driver/fighter pilot/bar tender? Yeah, me either.

In case you're blind, these are the clues:

1. Only a gay man would hold a woman's arm AND hand like that when getting out of a car. It's either one or the other or neither for straight men. But never both.

2. She's snickering like she can barely hold back how freakin' funny it is that she's in on Tom's joke on the entire world.

3. Look at Katie before. Dark. Mysterious. She's a bit less inhibited now and quite a bit more whymiscal. He's obviously giving her fashion advice, as any good gay-guy friend would. In fact, I bet she negotiated that as part of her deal for being seen with him. (It's true, he would have been wise to suggest an actual color for that dress, but there was a reason for that, too. See #4)

4. Now focus. A pictures worth a thousand words. He's wearing black, she's wearing a very light color... he fades into the blackground, she stands out against him. And that grip... he's leading her, almost falling behind her. This is not about Tom and Katie. This photo's all about her making an entrance that takes her beyond 'that girl on Dawson's Creek.' He's holding up his end of the bargain to get her noticed, and is doing a damn fine job. But then again, he's had years of practice.

5. Also, what's with his smile? It's totally scaring me.

I wouldn't have spent so much time on this, except it's important for you all to embrace the truth. Take it and free yourself from the lies.

Namaste